#1491 + (106) - [X]
Quinn (slightly paraphrased):
I was at a conference once when someone came up to me to answer a question I had raised. He said, 'Anyone can build a nuclear reactor, it's the square-cube law! If the sun were made of gerbils we'd all be incinerated!' He said lots of things after that, but I didn't hear them because I was still stuck on the gerbils... I kind of backed away and left, because I figured he was crazy. I was thinking about what he said, though, and was wondering, "Does he mean the same volume of gerbils, or the same mass?" I did a few calculations, and it turns out the sun has about the same density as a gerbil. You know a human weighs about 150 pounds and burns around 100w? Gerbils have about the same power density. I did a few more calculations, and... he was right. If the sun were made of gerbils their body heat would kill us.
#447 + (84) - [X]
"...and then we tell you that induction is really just a CMU hazing ritual and that no such thing exists" -- Professor Rudich
#1609 + (77) - [X]
<cmalloy starts writing on wean8 whiteboard>:
Ocarina of Time
Twilight Princess
[stops]
<jkilgall> What are you doing?
...
#513 + (70) - [X]
"A CAPTCHA is a program that can generate and grade tests that it itself cannot pass. So it's like a lot of professors." - Luis von Ahn in thesis defense
#77 + (67) - [X]
"You can't cram 100 pigeons into 99 holes!! Well, you can, but there are unpleasant side-effects..." - Klaus
#356 + (57) - [X]
A slide from a 211 lecture, the day after the first midterm (on which you had to write your TA's name)

eg:
"afro-guy with moustache" is Will Haines.
#874 + (56) - [X]
Michelle Hicks (33-104 TA): Can anyone tell me what the first law of thermodynamics is?
msarnoff: You do not talk about thermodynamics!
#1223 + (56) - [X]
< jbms> (btw, I am rather new to this channel, but you have a rather, eh, unusual nickname)
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> i like it
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> i have a procedure i follow when i choose a new nickname for the internets
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> you know that scene in 'the matrix' when agent smith is interrogating neo and he says "and in your other life, you go by the hacker alias... neo..."
< l0ng_d0ng_s1lv3r> the purpose is, choose an alias where if you are ever in that situation, no straight laced agent can ever keep a game face while reading your 'hacker alias' aloud
#1764 + (56) - [X]
Quinn: So essentially you started without something that doesn't involve relativity and is non-physical, then applied that result to something which does involve relativity. So you assumed something, and its contradiction. If you do that you can prove anything.
kcleary: Well, I just solved some equations. Can't a boy dream?
Quinn: [pointing to his floor] This is the Physics department. If you want to solve equations the math department is that way, and you can go to Philosophy for dreaming.
kcleary: Well, now I'm insulted
Quinn: And for that you can go to the art department.
#136 + (54) - [X]
"Hallo.
My PID is Indigo Montoya.
You kill -9'ed my parent process.
SIGINT."
- nwf
#774 + (53) - [X]
Professor Sieg: This proof of the irrationality of root two was so guarded by the Pythagoreans that a member who disclosed the secret was drowned in the sea.
Girl in class: That's pretty harsh treatment for radicals.
#827 + (53) - [X]
[Luis had set up a page for entering your crush on the 251 site. A few hours later, he sends this email:]

From: Luis von Ahn <biglou@[host]>
Subject: Crush Scripts Hacked
To: cs-251@[host]

:(

Unfortunately, I was unable to help our kind. The crush scripts were
insecure and more than one person was able to hack them by adding
bogus entries. The TAs do not have a crush on Rich Pattis, nor do I
have a crush on Victor :)
#1593 + (48) - [X]
[in 251 lecture Rudich is in the middle of lecturing]

*Enter Mackey*
*Aplause*

Rudich: And who are you?
Mackey: I am John Mackey.
Rudich: You are the one who teaches concepts, right?
Mackey: Yes.
Rudich: That's great! I mean, your beef is with Luis, not me.
Mackey: To class: Is this not Luis?
Rudich: No...
Luis [in back of hall] : I'M HERE!
Mackey: I'll be back....
*leaves hall*
#16 + (47) - [X]
bhima^ takes off mrwright's clothes.
<mrwright> Why were you even wearing them?
#1280 + (46) - [X]
<mackey> I had a conference with my son's 1st grade teacher today. She told me Luke was having problems with using a calculator correctly. I said "thats because Luke can add."
#324 + (43) - [X]
"We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind. Because your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, they have no chance to survive make their time." - tcauchoi
#1346 + (43) - [X]
gwillen: The reference kernel... is serious business.
nwf: No! No! The reference kernel is a *steaming pile*...
#3898 + (43) - [X]
[amwatson is wearing an SCS sweatshirt]
amwatson: Wait, I can't meet with my drama advisor looking like a CS major!
*removes sweatshirt to reveal Dropbox T-shirt*
amwatson: ...Fuck!
#1093 + (42) - [X]
Luis von Ahn, in 15-251 lecture:

Okay, everyone take a piece of paper and some crayons... *hands stuff out*
Here's what I want you to do. First, draw an 'S'. *demonstrates on blackboard*
Then, a more different 'S'.
Close it off at the top.
Draw some legs, some wing-a-lings, a beefy arm...
Okay, and whoever draws the best one gets one extra credit point on the final.
#1557 + (42) - [X]
In 15-441
[Kesden's laptop dies, so he turns on the lecture machine in DH and opens up IE]
[Gay porn video plays - with "PENIS FEVER" in large letters on the projection screen]
[Logs out as the user that was logged in and re-logs in as himself and opens IE]
kesden: I've never been so happy to see my homepage
#165 + (41) - [X]
A debate on laptop pointing devices:
"I prefer balls, myself."
"Am I the only NIPPLE advocate in here?"
...moments before Mark walks a step or two in, says "I don't want to know" and leaves.
#1566 + (41) - [X]
cbatchu: I'm not drunk
asilvers: What's the integral of x?
cbatchu: 1+C
jcdavis: only at cmu is calculus a sobriety test
#2370 + (41) - [X]
< locutus> NIGGAHS DONT KNOW ABOUT MY QBUS
< locutus> altough jbenedetto might :-(
< FireflyST> yeah
< FireflyST> yeah that he does
< FireflyST> it's funny that the statement fails
#2267 + (40) - [X]
*Number comes up on Alisa's office phone as a UPMC exchange number from Shawn Knight*

Alisa: Shawn? Why are you calling me at work? And how did you get on the UPMC phone exchange?
Shawn: Huh? I have a work order here from ISD Voice services that needs verified.
Alisa: Wait, what? How did you get a number here?
Shawn: I work here, ma'am. Is there a problem?
Alisa: Oh my god, there's more than one Shawn Knight in Pittsburgh?!
#2385 + (40) - [X]
< jbenedetto> dude i blame everything i can on lag.
< jbenedetto> including real life problems
< lorimer> jbenedetto: "girlfriend dumped you? Lag."
< _jmr> ran a red light, killed a family. LAG
< lorimer> "Yeah, I was gonna send her flowers, but I got a really bad lag spike right as I went to pay."
< lorimer> "No way man, it was green on _MY_ screen, the server is just lagged"
< _jmr> sorry officer, my connection sucks
< jbenedetto> _jmr: When I hit that busload of children, the Insurance people were not satisfied with 'I totally was lagging. Could'nt see shit captain!'
< lorimer> i should try that for a week
< lorimer> anytime something goes bad. "Dude! LAG!"
< lorimer> Ideally, on my unsuspecting co-workers
< _jmr> dont forget to call them noobs
< _jmr> my boss is such a fuckin noob, if i wasnt lagging so bad i'd pk his ass
< jbenedetto> FFS, more glitches? Imma go down to those QA noobs and headshot the whole department. Damn noobs cant code worth shit
< _jmr> always camping the coffee machine
< jbenedetto> SRSLY. they might as well throw up a fckin tent. jesus.

#19 + (39) - [X]
#162 + (39) - [X]
"I'm sweet and innocent. Sweet means I taste good, and innocent means you wouldn't know." -rlambert
#215 + (38) - [X]
Cop: Hey, whose Pizza Outlet sign is this?
Boss 2 Lounge: Don't know, it's been there for two years now.
Cop: It's stolen property, I have to take it back.
(takes sign)
...
(30 seconds later)
Cop: You know what? Pizza Outlet is out of business, and I really don't want to have to write up the report for this so...
(puts sign back on wall)
#417 + (38) - [X]
Kesden: Why are you all so quiet? Review sessions are supposed to be NOISY!
Student: We're praying.
#1658 + (38) - [X]
In 15-211: "Zip a file three times, if it doesn't blow-up, it's safe to assume that the algorithm works...in fact that's what you can do with all algorithms, do three tests, if it works, then it is correct - but don't put this quote on the internet please." - Klaus Sutner
#1712 + (38) - [X]
alisag: You're not the brightest barrel in... the bulb...
mrwright: Neither are you, it seems!
#2955 + (38) - [X]
* evilwombat <2.9999999999 floats
#2982 + (38) - [X]
< nsaphra> ]karma cslounge.lulz
< IcyManipulator> cslounge.lulz has 2 karma in this channel.
< nsaphra> ]karma cslounge.drama
< IcyManipulator> cslounge.drama has 206 karma in this channel.
< jbenedetto> and thus the true nature of #cslounge was revealed.
#3203 + (38) - [X]
--> nwf has joined #cslounge-vuvuzela
< Vuvuzela-Bot> nwf: BzzzzZZZZZZzzzZzzZzZzZZzZzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzZzZzZZzzzzzZZZzzZzzzZZzzzzZZT! BZZZZzzzZzZzZZzzzzzzZZzzZZzZZzzZZzZZzZT!
< nwf> ... really?
<-- nwf has left #cslounge-vuvuzela
#951 + (37) - [X]
gwillen: In Soviet Russia, the Revolution Dance Dances you!
#633 + (37) - [X]
IN A.D. 2005
PROOF WAS BEGINNING

Professor:
HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !!
ALL YOUR BASE CASE ARE BELONG TO US.
YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO INDUCTION.

Student:
What you say !!

Professor:
YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME.
Q. E. D.

-msarnoff, gsv
#847 + (37) - [X]
notyourbroom: I LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE I LIKE MY SHIFT KEY: ANGRILY DEPRESSED!
#475 + (36) - [X]
"Suppose Ann wants to send Bob the first 10000 digits of pi..." - 354 lecture slide
"Who the fuck is Ann? and where's Alice?" - gwillen
#264 + (35) - [X]
"I asked him if we could go out on a date this weekend, and he told me he had to do OS." --random girl on cmartens' floor
#787 + (35) - [X]
*debating the advisability of getting another hot chocolate from the Cross Seekers outside Doherty*
cmartens: Careful, they might recognize you... "Hey, you seem very interested. Here, have some Christ!"
gwillen: ... "have some Christ?"
cmartens: Christ on a stick!
gwillen: Where did you get that?
cmartens: I don't know, the twisted chambers of my brain? I can't be the first person to have thought of Christ on a stick.
gwillen: No, that would be the Romans...
#1237 + (35) - [X]
"Does anyone here like Java?"
(silence)
"Good, then 211 worked!"
- Klaus Sutner
#3696 + (35) - [X]
< adrake> the TI-89 has a worse failure mode, where you can wedge it such that you have to remove the backup battery, which is behind a screw
< adrake> I triggered that crash during the final exam in my highschool calculus final
< adrake> I asked it to solve some inequality and it was like "X_X"
< zmccord> adrake: Not the time to be fucking around with random asm
< zmccord> oh right
< zmccord> or rather adrake moSEGMENTATION FAU
< adrake> I used a paperclip to rm the backup battery screw and when I tried it again I discovered it was reproducible
< adrake> and then solved it by hand and moved on to the next question
< pcd1> adrake: only you could find a reproducible bug in your calculator that no one else in your class ran into while answering the same question.
< adrake> pcd1: no, someone else hit it
< adrake> pcd1: at least, I assume they hit it
< adrake> they looked very dismayed at their calculator and were unable to get it to do shit even after a battery removal
< pcd1> Was he... next to you?
< adrake> that was a long time ago :P
< zmccord> The five fundamental forces: weak, strong, grav, electromagnetic, and adrakeing
< zmccord> scientific analysis of the adrake field has been difficult, due to equipment failure
#3031 + (35) - [X]
<bblum> yeah, God was clearly not a CMU student
<bblum> like, "he rested"?
<bblum> what kind of shit is that?
#3659 + (35) - [X]
< Zannick> !talk BROS
< sourbot> BROS BROS BROS BROS BROS BROS BROS BROOOOOOOOOS BROS BROS BROS COMMA YOU DIDN'T! *thud*
#131 + (34) - [X]
"It's not a blow job. It's a blow career!" - jcreed
#578 + (34) - [X]
<Grimnir> \$ cat "can of food"
<Grimnir> cat: cannot open can of food
#933 + (33) - [X]
[Discussing unix commands as safewords]

dlstern: So ctrl+z is also good because it's cross-platform. If you have a Windows girlfriend, it's also undo. As opposed to ctrl+c... then she'll just be like, "Ok, I'll do it again."
#3835 + (33) - [X]
<mjrosenb> so I'm staying with my dad
<mjrosenb> He lives at 99 randall ave, in an apartment complex
<mjrosenb> recently, the management decided to go digital
<mjrosenb> so they got an email address
<mjrosenb> "99concerns@gmail.com"
<mjrosenb> I found this rather humorous, but my dad did not understand why :/
#1993 + (31) - [X]
[Users #hvincent]
[@hvincent```] [ hvincent___ ] [ hvincent_______ ] [ hvincent`````` ]
[ `hvincent ] [ hvincent____ ] [ hvincent________] [ hvincent``````` ]
[ hv1ncent ] [ hvincent_____ ] [ hvincent` ] [ hvincent````````]
[ hvincent_ ] [ hvincent______] [ hvincent`_______]
-!- Irssi: #hvincent: Total of 15 nicks [1 ops, 0 halfops, 0 voices, 14 normal]

-!- nalioth [i=nalioth@freenode/staff/ubuntu.member.nalioth] has joined #hvincent
< nalioth> what is going on here?
<@nalioth> you are setting off all kinds of alarms :|
<@nalioth> you appear very much like a bot swarm
#2869 + (27) - [X]
< Elly> the third interview was actually "find all the bugs in this code"
< Elly> I um
< Elly> kinda accidentally wrote "See course staff" at the end
< Elly> <.<
< Elly> the interview noob was like "?" and I was like "sorry, reflex"
Pending quotes: 0; Approved quotes: 4177